The No Contact Rule

Before I begin, there are 3 types or variations of the no contact rule.

1) You tell your ex that you won’t be contacting them and that they shouldn’t contact you.
2) You don’t tell your ex anything, and just drop off the face of the Earth.
3) You don’t tell your ex anything, you stop contacting them…but still allow them to contact you and you reply.

Now, in my life, I have a love/hate relationship with this rule.

I love it, because honestly, this is the one thing that helps you move on after you have been devastated from a relationship. Gradually, I can remove myself from the agony of thinking, O, I wonder what she is doing and O, I should have told her this, and she gradually fades away from my conscience. And that is what moving on is all about, having someone significant in your life reduced to a minor role. Which is what I hate about this.

Its like your throwing in the towel. This rule forces you to get closure, and once you get there, its absolute. Why bother worrying about how you should have said this or that because you know what, they are never going to be a part of your life again. You should no longer care about how you should have tried to fix that one fight or should have relished this memory more.

To me, this the most painful predicament. Its a Catch-22. If I try to stay close and involved in my ex's life as a friend, I end up constantly reminding myself of how much I liked her. And if I do the No Contact Rule then I lose my closest friend for 2 years of my life.

So, what do I do then. Do I do a half-ass approach and do #3 and have the hope that one day she will call me and say "O Scott you were always right." Or what? It really depends on you. Speaking from recent experience, I would give you and your ex at least 3 weeks without contact before you talk again. Then, I would initiate contact and hopefully either find closure or compassion.